Unpacking Hookup Culture.

By Ella Monnerat

Hookup culture - referring to a culture that is more or solely interested in casual sex, rather than pursuing emotional relationships - is a key aspect of the lives of many young women. Whether or not we choose to participate in it, a certain degree of judgment always follows us, either for having “too much” sex or not being sexually active enough. Here at ZARE, we asked five young women from around the world how they feel about casual sex and hookup culture, in order to figure out what motivates them or steers them away from participating in it.  

Picture by Tillman James

What’s your body count?  

Alex, 20, England: Four.


Sofia, 20, Germany: I’ve had three sexual partners. 

Beatrice, 19, Guatemala: Twenty-one.


Andrea, 21, United States: Nine.


Laura, 20, United States: It’s a secret, sorry. 

Do you enjoy having casual sex?  

Alex: Yes, but it’s often hard to keep sex and emotions separate. 

Sofia: I don’t. After having a casual relationship with a guy, I realized that I am not the type of person who can have “just sex”. For me, it’s all about the experience of being with someone you really like and having fun together. Sex with someone you barely know can be kinda dry, in my opinion.  

Beatrice: Yes, to me, casual sex was fun. It began with me chasing the feeling of being wanted after things were over with a guy I liked, but the one night dates became fun. I’ve met a lot of interesting people, been to cool places and had conversations I never would’ve had if it weren’t for these one night stands. I think it became a way for me to get what I wanted without fear of complications. Since it was just one night, things could stay great forever in a sense.  

Andrea: I go through phases but, overall, yes. I like feeling unfiltered pleasure and being able to insert myself into a character. Being what that guy wants me to be for a small amount of time makes me feel in control and it can be fun.  

Laura: Yes, because it’s a lot of fun and sex is a cool connection to have with different people. I also have different standards for sex than for dating, and I don’t feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with most people so it’s nice not going through that but still being intimate.  

Do you consider participating in hookup culture a feminist act? Does having casual sex make you feel empowered?  

Alex: I think feminism is having the freedom to do what you truly want to do. But I think hookups can be counterproductive for feminism because people who aren’t participating in it may not feel sexually liberated even though not having sex is also just as ok.  

Sofia: I understand it could have that effect in some women, but choosing not to have casual sex is what makes me feel empowered. Empowerment is about making choices that feel right for you. The basis of feminism is giving women the right to do what they want and not shaming them for it. So if a woman wants to do it, it’s a feminist act.  

Beatrice: I’ve never thought of it as empowering. I guess since I’ve been having sex I’ve become more free and comfortable with my sexuality so I do think it’s positive. But I didn’t start having casual sex for the healthiest reasons. I was trying to get over someone, and it helped me realise I’m still desirable and wanted by the male sex. Not the healthiest thing but it’s the truth.  

Andrea: For the most part, yes. It sometimes makes me feel untouchable. I owe my partners respect but not much beyond that and there is power in that freedom and state of mind.  

Laura: Not really. It’s fun to have but I don’t think it makes me more or less powerful. I think that sexuality without regulation is the goal, but hookup culture still has gendered pressures involved so I don’t think it’s entirely feminist.  

Have you ever felt shame for either having sex too often or not having sex often enough?  

Alex: I’ve only felt ashamed once, because people found out the details of a sexual encounter, and I noticed an increase in male attention because they assumed I was sexually active and thought they could capitalise on that. It made me feel like a target.  

Beatrice: I’ve never felt ashamed of the number of people I’ve slept with. To me, the number doesn’t matter, but I’ve had experiences with some guys where I could tell they cared so I’ve lied so I wouldn’t get judged. The reaction some people give to a woman having a “higher” number is not something I want to go through. I only share my number of sexual partners with really close friends for this reason. I still think I’m worthy of love and my self worth hasn't diminished as my number of sexual partners increases, but I think there is an expectation by men that women should be amazing in bed without having many partners.  

Andrea: I’ve only been having casual sex for a little while but I dived head in. It was a lot, and sort of all at once. It made me feel desired and powerful and was exciting and fun but it caught up to me a few times. I would all of a sudden get really anxious and feel dirty and like a slut. I still feel that way sometimes. I think of my mother and wish I could get her approval on my behaviour. I just want to know if she also sees it as an act of empowerment, but I can’t tell her what I’ve been doing because if she gets worried or shocked I’ll feel even dirtier and like a slut. But some of it was good for my mental health too. It’s about balance. I discovered a whole new exciting part of myself.  

Laura: Sometimes I feel ashamed because some of the sex I’ve had has been so bad that whenever I think about it I cringe.  

Do you think having sex with multiple partners without commitment is a healthy habit?  

Alex: As long as you have control. You need to know your emotional boundaries and evaluate whether you are doing it for the right reasons or not. 

Beatrice: I think I’ve reached a point where having casual sex with multiple partners isn’t healthy anymore because the nonchalant manner I’ve acquired with these encounters has added to my attitude of detachment towards relationships in general. It’s hard for me to let my guard down, and I feel weird when guys are gentle and kind which is very fucked up. 

Andrea: I think it can be healthy, but you need to set boundaries. For any healthy relationship, you need to have communication and respect for yourself and your partner. 

Laura: Yes, if you have those needs. Repressing your sexuality is unhealthy, so if you have sexual desires, pursuing them is good for you.